A big boy breakfast: Porcini Spinach Vegan Omelet with stuff

Supersized vegan breakfast is possible and does not consist of rabbit food

It is my goal to disperse a myriad of myths about vegan food:

1. It is NOT rabbit food (and we do not eat rabbit)
2. It is NOT dainty, refined, or even arrogant
3. It is NOT boring, flavorless or bland
4. It is NOT veggie protein attempting to pose as meat like a bad drag queen
5. It is NOT the kind – like some MSG laden chinese food – that 30 minutes later you will get hungry
6. It is NOT necessarily healthy all the time – we brought you French fries

I am a big boy, and as a big boy, I want my good eats. Over-portioned, supersized, and yes, I’d like fries with that “shake.” This morning was one of those days where I needed homey sustenance and I had no trouble feeding myself. That should come to no surprise, to anyone that knows me.

Isa Chadra Moskowitz is freaking brilliant. Her cookbooks provide with enough inspiration for a lifetime of food porn. So, yes, I started with her Tofu omelet recipe but decided never to call it that again. Tofu, for some reason, calls images of white, blind, tasteless gelatinous wiggly texture that does not do justice to this do me delicious delicacy.

I didn’t follow the recipe to the t. Yeah, bad big boy, I know.

• 1 Package of Tofu (not vacuum packed, so from the fridge)
• 1/2 teaspoon turmeric for color
• 2 cloves of garlic
• 2 tablespoons nutritional yeast
• 2 tablespoons of olive oil
• 1 teaspoon black salt (kala namak)
• 1/2 cup chickpea flour
• 1 tablespoon arrowroot or cornstarch
• 1/4 cup of soy milk

Isa does not use soy milk as she calls for silken tofu. I felt the batter needed to be slightly more pliable so I tried it since I only had firm tofu. It worked. The pictures prove it.

Tofu with the rest of the stuff in the food processor

I started by placing the tofu in the food processor and going to town, perhaps longer than I should to ensure it became creamy and delicious. I shimmied while it was rumbling since there was 70s disco in the background (Gloria Gaynor to be exact).

You are probably wondering what black salt aka kala namak is. No, it is not putrid salt turned black, but rather a sulfury type powder that is often used in Indian and Pakistani cuisine. It is salty but has that fart-esque type aroma that mimics real eggs. I know I am not making it sound sexy, however, it adds a wonderful exotic and naughty smell that is unmistakable and somewhat essential. You can kind it at any Indian market, or if you google it, you will find many vendors that will be happy to take your money for it.

Kala namak "black salt" up close and personal revealing its gorgeous pinky fleshy colors and not so subtle aroma

I’d say invest. Go for it. You can impress your friends when you cook with them and say, “hey, can you pass the kala namak?” You know you want to.

The trick to these omelets is understanding that we are not looking for the consistency of eggs pre-cooking but rather almost like a sticky pancake type batter. They will not pour readily, but rather have to be coaxed and spanked into shape and place.

Do use a large skillet, lager than you think you’ll need as it will be easy for turning over.

Back to the batter. Add the rest of the ingredients and go to town again. Spoon the mixture into a hot oiled non-stick oversized pan. Fill in the batter holes as you spread and attempt to create a circle. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Imperfection is homey goodness.

In the beginning, there was one side

Cook about 5 minutes on each side flipping carefully.

Look at my precious...

Look like an omelet but better. From here on, I put some vegan cheese, my desired toppings of sauteed porcini mushrooms and spinach with some cumin, paprika, salt and pepper and set the ingredients mingle.

Melty vegan cheese. Who needs dairy anyway?

The final product? I happen to also sauté some onions with shredded russet potatoes seasoning with black salt, cumin, salt and pepper, a few strips of tempeh bacon and voila. Oh la la, big boy down home country-esque delicious breakfast. As I am writing this, it’s all gone.

I know you want some.